Ammu!

My brief four year interaction with her came to a halt when she died in a car accident on ECR on june 11th 2005. Death is always something that people face very differently. I am at times ashamed at the way I faced it.
She was my best friend. She was my fan. She was my role model in some ways. She was a part of my family. She was my eating partner. She was a kid at times and sometimes so grown up. She was pretty, smart and intelligent. She could not sing for nuts. She could dress up to kill. She could grasp even the toughest physics concepts at first try. She could convince people to do things her way. (she even convinced my father to let me stay over in her house, which - if you knew my father- is a big thing) She could charm any guy she wanted.
Through the two years we spent in school, we became really close and were inseparabe by the end of twelfth grade. We complimented each other in so many ways, but always happened to be on the same wavelength. Soon we went our separate ways... Me, with my dreams of being a psychologist and she, ready and working hard to finish her medicine and become a skin specialist. We had our dreams..
But we kept in touch. Spending weekends at chennai at my granny's place or at pondy at her place.. Went on our usual trips to new eating joints and hangouts. Everytime something happened, big or small, we would let the other know. I could expect calls from her at midnite asking what I thought of some movie or wondering what she could do for her father on his birthday. She could expect calls from me on friday afternoons saying I'm taking the next bus to pondy cos I'm bored or 'cos I'm feeing abit down.
On that saturday evening when I heard the news of the crash, it was awful. At first I din't believe it. But I was crying all the same. Thru that long, drawn-out nite, I thought.. thought of old times, the future and our friendship.. I refused to go for the funeral. I had calm, fun, amazing last memories of Ammu and I dint wana change the last memory I had of the previous weekend when she and I spent the weekend with our friends and family. I hurt alot of people by that decision. Yet another occassion where I found myself to be a selfish brat. But I was stubborn. I was not ready to meet her family who had become like my own family. I dint wana meet my friends. I had some friends from college with me to help me thru the ordeal. At times, I felt heartless for not being with her family and going for the funeral... But I knew I could not have handled it. Or rather, I dint wana handle it at that point.
I can truthfully say that there has not yet been even one day when I have not thought of her. Most times, I just keep talking about her. Thats my way of dealing with it..
In a couple of weeks it will be one year since i have heard her voice... one year since i met my best friend.. one year since i called anyone "mango"... one year since I have had her picture in my wallet... I dont know how to tell her now how much she meant to me.. How much I needed her and still do... How much I have learnt from her...
Guess from every situation u can learn something...
I learnt, if u care about someone or if they mean something to u, then tell them... rite then.. don't wait, cos u may never have that chance again...
So Mango... this one is for you....